20 January 2008 - 09:03

You too, can have a bigger penis!

I feel I now have some proof that male fixation with penis size has nothing to do with sex.
G was watching a doco on penis enlargement, so I thought I'd better supervise. It was actually very interesting, gory, but interesting. The one thing I noticed about all of the men they used as examples was that none of them mentioned sex.
The gay guy that has been injecting silicone into his penis and testicles for the past seven years can now no longer have oral or penetrative sex (unless he's shagging a hippo I guess). And his willy didn't even look like one. It looked like a massive tumour.
He said he likes it that he makes people think, that he makes people reconsider what a penis should look like. He enjoys the fact he challenges accepted norms.

Naturally when I saw what he obviously thought was a whole new dimension in individual masculinity, all I could do was laugh.
The man's so obsessed with his donk that he can't get his end away any more and he doesn't even care!

And the ex-agoraphobic who sells DVDs of himself doing penis enlargement exercises was more than a little disturbing. I had no idea an adult male could stretch a body part like that! And the flaccid, saggy hosepipe that resulted was a complete turn off. Of course they didn't show it erect; that may have been very scary to your average woman who only has a certain amount of "depth" to fill up anyway. Any extra is "Ouch!".

The idea that men want bigger penises for sexual prowess went out the window. It seemed to be all about something else, not sex. I'm not sure it even had much to do with ego.

Needless to say G won't be buying the penis enlargement tool. Ew.

Smell my feet

It's probably very unpatriotic, but I spent this morning teaching my kids the parody of our national anthem. Well, one of the parodies. I went online to see if there was a second verse but couldn't find anything. I seem to remember there was one, although I can only remember one line.

Our anthem goes :
God of nations, at thy feet
in the bonds of love we meet.
Hear our voices we entreat,
God defend our free land.

Guard pacific's triple star
from the shafts of strife and war
Make our praises heard afar
God defend New Zealand.

The parody goes:

God of nations, smell my feet.
In the local pub we meet.
Hear our voices in the street
God defend our toilet seat

Guard pacific's triple star
and our cousin's rusty car
... ...

and that's where my memory fails me.
As a child I knew the parody better than the actual anthem, as did most of my friends. I wonder if kids in other countries do this too? :o)

I found this website, which has all sorts of childhood ditties on it.
http://folksong.org.nz/playground_rhymes.html

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Right. I'm late, I know.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone. It's school holidays here, until the start of February. With that in mind, of all the best wishes for the New Year I can offer you, this one is top of the list:

May you never meet an 8 year old that has just learned how to play Monopoly.

xx
Pam

Chocolate trifle blues

There was a lot of cake left over from making E's birthday cake, so I saved it in a container in the fridge. I thought it would make a good chocolate trifle. Unfortunately I couldn't find a recipe for one in my books, so I googled "Chocolate Trifle" and there were loads.

Except they're all made out of packets (I pretty much cook 90% from scratch, which is normal here) and we don't carry the same brands in NZ! I'm assuming Jello Double Chocolate mousse is what we call "Instant Pudding" or "Instant Mousse" here. But what the hell is Cool Whip? And what's a Heath bar? And why did all 22 recipes I looked at involve "Follow the instructions on the packet" for steps 1,2 and 3?
Yikes.
All those processed foods!

I think I'll just invent my own (unless some one has a better option).

E's party

I am the childrens' birthday party queen.

E had a Garfield cake (4 cakes stuck together and carved into a sleeping Garfield shape), a Garfield pinata, Pin the Tongue on Odie*, Feed Garfield, a treasure hunt (with clues they actually had to huddle in a group to figure out) and a Spaghetti and Meatball race.

Feed Garfield was/is a plywood board with Garfield stuffing his face painted on it and a big hole where his open mouth is. I made 10 paper mache food things (drumsticks, a drink, cheese etc) which they had to throw through the hole.

Spaghetti and Meatball race was done with paper plates, paper mache meatballs and small piles of string set with glue (to look like spaghetti). They had to race between two tables that both had meatballs on them. The winner was the one with the most meatballs (obviously).

Anyway, apparently they're still discussing E's party at school. I've had lots of comments from parents and one invititation to organise another child's party (NOOOOO, lol!).

A's turn is next, on the 16th of December. I wonder who'll organise mine?

*E's friend O won this by feeling the entire picture for where the paint stopped and started and where the other pin holes were. E said "Awww, he's just sticking his tongue in my hole!". I thought you'd all like that one.

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